Dear Reader,
I was parked at the beach last week on a solo trip and had an incredible time. The sun was shining, the water was crisp, and with groups of people around me I felt more together than I did alone. Despite my mom’s warnings I went swimming without my things—leaving my phone and wallet behind to my trusting neighbors. But I noticed other groups did the same as the beach can be one of those places where everyone’s purpose is pure.
Living in New York City, the summer is really the only time of year one can enjoy the beach in a way that is typical. The weather is hot with humidity adding extra degrees and although there’s an occasional thunderstorm it’s often sunny and bright. However, most summers I find myself only going to the beach once—maybe twice—as it’s hard to get a group of friends together. People travel, work on the weekdays, and flake at the hour and a half long trip.
I forget that the beach is one of my favorite places to be. The sounds—not only of the ocean and birds but of the people, their voices, and music—all relax me. I love the feeling of the heat from the sun causing sweat to pool random places on my skin. I love the feeling of the sand exfoliating as I rub in extra SPF. I love getting lost in a good book while all this life circles around me.
As soon as I saw the forecast for Wednesday I knew I had to make a pilgrimage to the shore. I invited a random friend—someone I’m not close with but who I thought might have the weekday free. But when they said they couldn’t go my only option was to make the trip alone. Without hesitation I set a plan into motion (who would watch my dog, what train I would take) and got myself ready with all the essentials.
I’m no stranger to solo trips. I’ve been to Paris, Milan, and Lisbon by myself at different times in my life. They were all incredible experiences and I learned a lot along the way. One thing that stayed consistent, however, was my anxiety. I always had fears of what could go wrong and would play out those scenarios in my head. But I took the trips anyway because that’s what the ideal me would do.
Despite only traveling on one train from a station I’ve been to countless times, my nerves the morning of the trip were on fire. I kept obsessing over what time I had to leave my apartment and kept forgetting about the sandwich I wanted to make for when I was there. I took an as-needed anxiety medication to ease myself into the situation and calm my racing thoughts.
By the time I got to the station, I felt soothed. I was a few minutes early—not too long to cause me waiting anxiety but not too short where I’d have to rush to the train. But there was a moment on the way there when I thought “why did I do this?” I doubted my desire to enjoy a place I love because of little fears that I was making up.
Our minds can play tricks on us sometimes. They make us think that things will go a certain way when in reality the options are endless. They make us doubt what we want and cause us to be afraid of what will bring us the most joy. They make us miss out on opportunities just to play it safe. Unfortunately, it can be hard to break.
My advice would be to listen to what gets you excited and push past the questions that come up. You’ll never have all the answers and it’s better to try than to lose an opportunity. Use doubt as a possibility—the positive is just as likely as the negative. There’s an equal chance that things will end up going well as there is that they’ll go bad.
Never stop for doubt,
S.E. Dillard