Dear Reader,
Being parked back in New York City has me thinking about stagnation—the state of not flowing or moving. It’s difficult being a freelance writer waiting to hear back from publications for months and keeping things moving forward can feel like trudging through mud (alone). But there’s a beauty to being still that I’m still trying to grasp onto. When I’m sitting on my couch watching TV I find it difficult not to smoke or be on my phone or do something around my apartment. Perhaps I have undiagnosed ADD but the point is being still can be a comfort despite how uncomfortable it makes me.
Often in life we aren’t receiving any accolades, we’re not being congratulated on some accomplishment or another, and we’re not going out to dinner with a cheers dedicated to what you did. But these periods of stagnation are just as beneficial as when things are charging forward. They can be a time for learning and growth, a time to figure out what it is you truly want in life and then go after that as a goal, or a time to rest and recharge in order to charge ahead later on.
Lately, the responses I’ve received from literary magazines has been that my work is impressive but not a good fit. I’ve had writer’s block with my novel and didn’t feel inspired in Berlin to write any short stories or work on anything besides my correspondence with you and one other project. No existential crisis ensued and even though there were a few tears I ultimately regard this period as a time to learn more about myself, become more independent, and build a confidence that will withstand any other rejection that I may receive. This process isn’t something I except will be applauded by anyone but me and that’s ok because it’s for me.
Stagnation doesn’t have to last forever. As I said, once you use the time to refocus on what it is that you want, achievements will come. You will get that letter or acceptance into the program or job that you’ve been hoping for and you will feel more like yourself than when you were receiving the empty accolades you were getting before, no matter how often they may have came.
It may seem like you’re sitting still, and at times I suggest ruminating is the best option, but in reality you’re evolving with the world around you as you spend your time experiencing new things instead of chasing after one. Watch a movie with your friends, sit on a couch and have a conversation, or take a walk in the park to park yourself somewhere and reflect.
Currents can flow without any action, without a paddle in the water pushing you through. A lot can happen in these pauses life brings us that can’t happen when we’re moving at a million miles a minute. Appreciating the simple moments is only one part of what we can do to enjoy stagnation and treat it as floating.
To be still for now,
S.E. Dillard